Most of my relationships have been of the long distance variety. In fact, all of my relationships that lasted longer than six months began with the two of us miles apart. Granted the distance was never great enough to prevent us from seeing each other nearly every weekend. For all of the challenges and complications a long distance relationship brings – not being able to see them after a bad day, missing major occasions, losing hours on the road, the cost of travel, etc. – there are some good points.
The Man Who Inspired My Impossible Standards
In the vein of settling and my apparently unrealistic standards I’ve taken a closer look at why I am the way I am and why I believe that there is someone out there who will live up to my expectations. The proverbial “they” say that girls marry men who are like their fathers and I have one of the best. It’s not even that I see him through rose-colored daughter glasses. Many people have told me that I can’t hold every guy I date up to standards set by my father because they will all fall short.
The Unanswered Question
I don’t know if it’s because we are getting older, but my friends have been exploring what it means to find the one: How it should feel? How do you know? At what point should you know? As with every aspect of love and relationships this topic has been analyzed to death and no one has ever found the answer. That’s because there isn’t one.
The Cheater Phenomenon
You can stop groaning and sighing because this post isn’t inspired by Tiger Woods’s epic infidelity. It was spurred by the absurd anecdotes I’ve recently heard about faithlessness in new relationships, long-term relationships, marriages, etc. In this week alone, a friend of mine found out that his aunt had been cheating on his uncle for years, he then discovered that the uncle had also been habitually cheating for years.
For Who He Is
I was watching Californication tonight and one of the daughter’s lines inspired me. She was talking to her mother about how she made the decision to be with her father knowing all of his pitfalls and character flaws. Being the insightful 12-year-old that she is, she told her mother that she “needs to love him for who he is, not his potential.” Her mother is a mature, intelligent, together woman but she still is unable to fully understand the truth in this statement.
Love Defined
Although love means different things to different people I’ve always thought there were undeniable truths about love and what it meant to be in love. If two people loved each other, they would do anything to make it work, even if it meant making sacrifices. I’ve never been able to understand people who let go of those they “loved” because their lives changed, making a relationship difficult. To me, love always came first. If it was real love, it was worth working for. On the other hand, maybe I’m simply being naïve. Some people truly believe that love means letting go.
Boys Will Be Boys
Why do girls perpetuate this ridiculous myth that boys will be boys to justify behavior that is, in fact, unjustifiable? All it does is make us believe that we aren’t worth anything and that we have to settle for boys who behave less than admirably toward us. Claiming that all guys act a certain way or do certain things is just a way for us to soothe the sting of being mistreated.
I am so tired of people going out for their bachelor parties and behaving like complete jerks and acting like it is totally acceptable because it’s a bachelor party. It’s ok for guys to pay strange women to strip and grind up against them because that’s what boys do. It’s ok for guys to make their significant other feel worthless because “honey all guys look at porn” or “baby you know I love you but I’m male so of course I’m going to stare at our waitress’s chest.”
Well maybe it’s true, maybe that’s what boys do. But that is not what men do. I demand more of the men who claim to care about me. Perhaps that limits my dating pool, but I don’t care. I would much rather be alone than lower my standards because the rest of society claims that it is ok for guys to act like Neanderthals. I firmly believe I am worth more than that. It’s not arrogance it’s just that I’m secure in the fact that I deserve to be treated with respect and that this boy behavior is not respect.
So this is my plea. To the women: demand what you deserve. Don’t buy into myths that allow men to disrespect you with their crude behavior. Our complacency in these matters is what allows the behavior to persist and convinces other women that they ask for too much when they demand more. To the men: grow up and realize the worth of the women you love and care for. Understand that to love her means to do everything you can to make her happy even if this means putting her self-worth before your lustful nature.
The Issue of Friendship
For as long as relationships have been ending people have tried to remain friends with their exes. This has never been easy and very seldom has it ever been successful. Why do people feel the need to remain friends after a relationship has run its course? Is it because the dumper is trying to make it easier on the dumpee? Is the dumpee trying desperately to hold on to the relationship they never wanted to end in the first place?
Love is Blind; and Mildly Retarded
Love makes people stupid. Not in the sense that couples often begin using awful nicknames and talk to each other like complete and utter morons. But in the sense that perfectly intelligent human beings make awful decisions about their futures and their overall wellbeing based on a feeling, a connection, a figment of their imagination.