Most of my relationships have been of the long distance variety. In fact, all of my relationships that lasted longer than six months began with the two of us miles apart. Granted the distance was never great enough to prevent us from seeing each other nearly every weekend. For all of the challenges and complications a long distance relationship brings – not being able to see them after a bad day, missing major occasions, losing hours on the road, the cost of travel, etc. – there are some good points.
The Man Who Inspired My Impossible Standards
In the vein of settling and my apparently unrealistic standards I’ve taken a closer look at why I am the way I am and why I believe that there is someone out there who will live up to my expectations. The proverbial “they” say that girls marry men who are like their fathers and I have one of the best. It’s not even that I see him through rose-colored daughter glasses. Many people have told me that I can’t hold every guy I date up to standards set by my father because they will all fall short.
Settle or Die (Alone)
There has been much controversy surrounding the book “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough” by Lori Gottlieb, a middle-aged journalist and single mother. The idea behind the book is that women who are too picky end up alone. I have not read the book so I will refrain from criticizing, but it has brought forth some interesting discussions. Some people are up in arms, saying how dare she suggest that women settle for anything less than the best. Others completely agree with the idea that those who cling unflinchingly to their ideals will ultimately end up alone.
I’ve Got No Strings to Hold Me Down
Decades Late for Mr. Perfect
ve come to the somewhat heartbreaking realization that I was born in the wrong decade. I’m positive the man of my dreams only resides unattainably somewhere in a 1940s/1950s musical. These men can wear a suit, have voices of molasses, know their way around a dance floor and understand how to love a woman.
The Anti-Valentine's Day
I couldn’t let Valentine’s pass without writing a blog, it’s pretty much expected. However, this one isn’t going to be the quintessential, bitter Valentine’s Day-is-complete-crap blog. I actually enjoy the holiday. It has never been associated with that much romance for me though. With the exception of a couple years, boyfriend or no, I celebrated the day with friends. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had some boyfriends who have made the day special for me in a lot of ways, but my most memorable ones had nothing to do with the romantic love that has come to be expected of the day.
In elementary it meant stuffing Valentines into boxes decorated with cut-out hearts, paper doilies and pink and red glitter. When junior high rolled around, I anticipated getting dressed up and going to awkward dances and socializing with my friends on the bleachers of the gym turned dance hall. While I was in high school I spent the day watching sappy chick flicks and eating junk food at Lindsey Schmidt’s house.
In most recent years, I’ve turned the day into a celebration of my girlfriends. We pamper ourselves, have a nice dinner together and enjoy a few drinks and great conversation at various bars around town. I’ve really come to look forward to getting dressed up and spending the day with vibrant women who impact my life. I don’t even feel that we do it to combat bitterness or loneliness; it’s just a good reason for us to add a little occasion to spending time with each other.
I’ve never really felt that my singleness is thrown in my face on this day. In fact, I don’t think it is anything less than a blessing at this point in my life. I am facing some major life changes and some great opportunities that I wouldn’t be able to take advantage of if I were tied down. I also wouldn’t have the confidence to push myself to take on these new challenges if it weren’t for some of the amazing women I call my friends. For that reason, it seems completely natural to celebrate with them this year. So, to all the women (and some men too ;-)) in my life who encourage and stand by me, Happy Valentine’s Day!
The Unanswered Question
I don’t know if it’s because we are getting older, but my friends have been exploring what it means to find the one: How it should feel? How do you know? At what point should you know? As with every aspect of love and relationships this topic has been analyzed to death and no one has ever found the answer. That’s because there isn’t one.
Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Please Back Off
With the exception of the tool bag I had to work with the other night, I don’t believe most people think I exude a lonely, desperate vibe. However, the number of attempted set-ups has been increasing as of late. It’s not the idea of being set up itself that I take issue with; it’s the quality or lack thereof. It seems that the only qualification these wannabe Yentes have is that my intended must have two things in common with me and being single counts as one.
Dibs and the Code Breaker
In Jr. High it was common practice for people to stay away from girls or boys their friends were interested in. The rules were simple: if Sally was digging Johnny and Suzie held Johnny’s hand at lunch, Suzie would immediately be ostracized by the rest of the girls. As adults the lines become smudged and rules that were once unflinchingly rigid now seem childish and unreasonable.
Left Defenseless
I’ve never had anyone in my life actively try to make me feel bad about being single, never until Friday night. I was working with a guy who has been with his girlfriend since high school and is on track to marry her. We were talking about various things when he asks me out of the blue if I have a boyfriend. I respond “nope” and he immediately launches into an interrogation that crosses the line of friendly curiosity to plain insulting.